Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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