Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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