areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
