Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
