Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
