did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
