Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Randomize
