I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
