My girlfriend figured out who you are.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
