Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Randomize
