Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
