Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
