Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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