I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
