Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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