can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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