I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Randomize
