If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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