I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
