WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
