hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Sext me about skeletons
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
