You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
