He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Randomize
