put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
