his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Every concussion has its silver lining
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Randomize
