doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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