dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
