it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
