He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
