no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Randomize
