ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
