Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
