i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
