Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
