you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
My ass is underappreciated
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
