just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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