I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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