somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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