fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
