her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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