I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
