Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
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