it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
why does every cop we meet know your name?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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