did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize
