Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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