I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Randomize
