He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
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