I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
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