everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
