The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize