[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
