And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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