At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
