Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
