There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
