dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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