my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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