I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
