new low.... made out with someone while peeing
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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