a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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