that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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