Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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