i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
