im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
