you traded sex for a burrito?
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize