What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
