Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
