and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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