This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
