Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
