weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Randomize
