MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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