Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
