you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
The power of my boobs compel you
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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