Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
